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WASHINGTONCalling it a shortsighted decision that he would come to regret during his final two years in office,members of the GOP criticized President Donald Trump Monday for promoting Stephen Miller to serve as chief of staff over other, more qualified necrophiles. The Republican Party has a deep bench of candidates who sexually abuse corpses at [] The post GOP Criticizes Trump For Promoting Stephen Miller Over Other, More Qualified Necrophiles appeared first on The Onion .

DUBAIRubbing at his eyes carefully with one hand and murmuring shit under his breath as he watched one of his slippers tumble toward the ground over 500 meters below, actor Tom Cruise reportedly woke up Wednesday while sleep-climbing the Burj Khalifa. Oh, no, not this again, said Cruise, who tightened his grip on the exterior [] The post Tom Cruise Wakes Up Sleep-Climbing Burj Khalifa appeared first on The Onion .

FITCHBURG, WIStating that he could not recall Cocoa Beach, an airboat tour of the Everglades, or breakfast with Chip n Dale at the Garden Grill Restaurant, local seventh grader Caleb May told reporters Thursday that the only memory he had of the $6,000 vacation he took with his family in 2019 was throwing up in [] The post Only Memory Child Has Of $6,000 Vacation Throwing Up In Car appeared first on The Onion .