theonion

LOS ANGELESRegaining consciousness just as a masked captor slapped him across the face with the script, actor Jason Momoa reportedly woke up Tuesday tied to a chair in an empty warehouse facing the screenplay for a Candy Crush Saga movie. You are Mr. Toffee now, said a low, menacing voice that came from behind a [] The post Jason Momoa Wakes Up Tied To Chair In Empty Warehouse With Candy Crush Saga Movie Script appeared first on The Onion .

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The 78th Primetime Emmy Awards will air on Monday. The Onion shares everything you need to know about this years ceremony. Q: Whos most likely to win? A: Taylor Dearden is a favorite for Outstanding Attempt To Hide Youre A Cranston. Q: What happens if someones speech goes too long? A: They have to go [] The post What To Know About The 2026 Emmys appeared first on The Onion .

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An explosive report revealed that the United Arab Emirates warned Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu about an imminent attack by Hamas 10 days before Oct. 7, with Netanyahu reportedly dismissing the threat that would end up destabilizing the region. What do you think? The post Bombshell Report Reveals Netanyahu Had Advanced Warning Of Oct. 7 Attacks appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONSaying the tragic events of 25 years ago were just the beginning in the nations blue states, President Donald Trump claimed Thursday that 9/11 attacks were happening every single day in Democratic cities. You go to Seattle or Minneapolis or any of those other crime-ridden hellholes, and youre gonna see planes smashing into skyscrapers constantly, [] The post Trump Claims 9/11 Attacks Happening Every Day In Democratic Cities appeared first on The Onion .

Musk, a new documentary about the SpaceX and Tesla CEO by Oscar winner Alex Gibney, premiered at the Venice Film Festival this week. Here is what the film revealed about Elon Musk: Was a bit of a loner as an adult Flew to Belgium in 2012 to undergo cosmetic chest cubing Once made a hibachi [] The post Biggest Revelations From Musk appeared first on The Onion .

More people than ever are eschewing parenthood, and if you talk to my peers, theyll readily tell you why. Theyll say its too expensive, or boast about how theyd rather focus on traveling or their careers. Some will even argue its unethical. Well, Ive thought long and hard about bringing children into the world, and [] The post I Want Kids So Ill Have Someone To Take Care Of Me When I Get Hammered appeared first on The Onion .