Pam Bondi Brought In For Exit Lobotomy
The post Pam Bondi Brought In For Exit Lobotomy appeared first on The Onion .
Bondi: My Only Regret Is Not Being Able To Re-Traumatize More Victims
The post Bondi: My Only Regret Is Not Being Able To Re-Traumatize More Victims appeared first on The Onion .
Pete Hegseth Replaces Top General With Horse That Drinks Beer
WASHINGTONSaying he had finally found a military commander whose character was worthy of the U.S. Army,Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Friday that he was replacing ousted top general Randy George with a horse that drinks beer.With Dustys wartime promotion to Army chief of staff, were putting the world on notice that the days of buzzkill [] The post Pete Hegseth Replaces Top General With Horse That Drinks Beer appeared first on The Onion .
Iran Imposes New Cash, Grass, Or Ass Fee For Strait Of Hormuz
The post Iran Imposes New Cash, Grass, Or Ass Fee For Strait Of Hormuz appeared first on The Onion .
Blue Origin To Increase Space Tourism By Launching Worlds Largest Ball Of Twine Into Orbit
KENT, WAIn an effort to attract new customers by generating more enthusiasm for space tourism among the general populace, civilian spaceflight operator Blue Origin confirmed Friday it had launched the worlds largest ball of twine into orbit around the Earth. Many people who find the idea of space travel exciting are disappointed once they realize [] The post Blue Origin To Increase Space Tourism By Launching Worlds Largest Ball Of Twine Into Orbit appeared first on The Onion .
Raw dairy farm recalls some cheese products as FDA investigates E. coli outbreak
A California producer of raw milk and cheese products is recalling some of its products under pressure from federal officials
You can use Google Meet with CarPlay now: How to join meetings safely in your car
Use Android Auto instead of CarPlay? Google said support is coming soon for Meet.
I tested cheap monitors for the office - this $80 MSI is one of the few I'd actually recommend
MSI's Pro MP243W 24-inch monitor pairs well with other budget laptops for an affordable home workstation.
When Medical Staff Go All Nurse Ratched on MAGA Patients
Some nurses have recorded videos on social media admitting that they will try to harm MAGA or conservative patients, or ICE agents. ... The post When Medical Staff Go All Nurse Ratched on MAGA Patients appeared first on The New American .
Pelicans-Kings Game Ends After Neither Team Able To Recover Tipoff
SACRAMENTO, CAFollowing an extended series of failed attempts, Friday nights matchup between the New Orleans Pelicans and the Sacramento Kings reportedly ended with neither teams players proving able to recover a tipoff. According to sources in attendance, both the 25-52 Pelicans and the 20-57 Kings failed to gain possession of the opening jump ball and [] The post Pelicans-Kings Game Ends After Neither Team Able To Recover Tipoff appeared first on The Onion .
Your TV may be tracking your viewing data - here's how to stop it (beyond disabling ACR)
Smart TVs are designed to monitor your content and serve ads across every input. Here are some ways to shut down that tracking and regain control.
Windows 11 Home vs. Windows 11 Pro: I found the differences that truly matter
Windows 11 Pro offers more control - but is it worth the added cost? Here's how to make the right choice for you.
Why YouTube with ads just isn't worth it for me anymore - even if it's free
Like it or not, there are more reasons than ever to consider paying for YouTube Premium.
At last, I can use one app to find my favorite podcasts, channels, publications, and more.
Over 400,000 KitKat Bars Stolen In Heist
Food conglomerate Nestl said that about 12 tons of KitKats, or 413,793 candy bars, were stolen after leaving its production site in Italy, with the company stating that the vehicle and its load are still nowhere to be found. What do you think? The post Over 400,000 KitKat Bars Stolen In Heist appeared first on The Onion .
DENVERGrowing increasingly frantic as the mobs of exuberant preteens flooded from their bunks into the state of Colorado beyond, local Christian camp director Alan Mullins reportedly panicked Friday after noticing his conversion therapy device had been set to reverse. Dear Lord, theyre just getting more and more theatricalwhy isnt this lever budging? said a visibly [] The post Colorado Overrun With Flamboyant Children After Camp Director Notices Conversion Therapy Device Set To Reverse appeared first on The Onion .
Zara Larsson, the pop star known for Lush Life and Stateside, is currently on her 2026 Midnight Sun Tour. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist. Birth Name: Zara Larsson feat. David Guetta Birthplace: Town Where Everybody Happy All The Time, Sweden Parents: Lisa Frank (mother), all four members of ABBA [] The post Artist Profile: Zara Larsson appeared first on The Onion .
Photo Of Unknown Child Graces Grandmas Fridge
The post Photo Of Unknown Child Graces Grandmas Fridge appeared first on The Onion .
MarvelCalls Emergency Meeting To Determine If They Already Made One Called Avengers: Doomsday
BURBANK, CAIn an effort to determine whether they needed to cease production immediately or if the films title simply sounded familiar,MarvelStudios reportedly called an emergency meeting Friday after concerns were raised that they had already made one calledAvengers: Doomsday. All right, gentlemen, quicklyname as manyAvengersfilms as you can, said company president Kevin Feige, who sat [] The post MarvelCalls Emergency Meeting To Determine If They Already Made One Called Avengers: Doomsday appeared first on The Onion .
Florida and Mississippi enact voter citizenship checks, sparking a lawsuit in the Sunshine State
Governors in Florida and Mississippi have signed laws requiring officials to verify voters' citizenship
Attorneys say Oklahoma basketball player who died after game wasn't given proper medical care
Attorneys for an Oklahoma college basketball player who died after being injured during a game last year say wasn't given proper medical care after his injury
What to know about attempts to force out the Universities of Wisconsin president
The president of the 165,000-student University of Wisconsin system is fighting attempts by the board of regents to force him to retire or face being fired
Amazon to slap a 3.5% surcharge on third-party sellers as Iran war drives up fuel prices
Amazon is slapping a 3.5% fuel and logistics surcharge on third-party sellers that sell on its platform starting later this month amid a spike in fuel prices since the war in Iran
A look at Todd Blanche, the ex-Trump lawyer who's the president's pick for acting attorney general
Before picking Todd Blanche to help lead and now run the Justice Department, President Donald Trump was his client
Prediction markets challenge tribal casinos hard-won place in US gambling
At the Indian Gaming Associations annual convention in San Diego this week, two words have dominated the agenda: Prediction markets
Elected leaders and clergy seek release of Wisconsin mosque president detained by immigration agents
The president of Wisconsins largest mosque was detained by federal immigration agents, drawing accusations from local officials and religious leaders that the arrest was motivated by his statements against Israel
Do Apple's new AirPods Max 2 beat the Airpods Pro 3? I've tried both, here's my take
The AirPods Max 2 are Apple's most premium over-ears headphones, but I wouldn't recommend them to everyone.
Bureau of Indian Affairs Officer Pleads Guilty to Sexually Abusing Teen on Montana Reservation
Prosecutors said defendant Murrell Deela, who was then an officer with the Bureau of Indian Affairs, encountered the girl at a gas station on the reservation in southern Montana in August 2024
US Defense Secretary Hegseth says he will allow troops to take personal weapons onto military bases
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth will permit service members to carry personal firearms on military bases, citing the Second Amendment and recent shootings. This directive presumes personal protection is necessary, requiring detailed written explanations for any denials. Previously, bases were effectively gun-free zones outside of specific training or official duties, a policy now being re-evaluated.
Brick vs. Bloom Card: I tested both for my screen addiction, and the winner depends on you
This cheaper Brick alternative blocks distracting apps and adds its own unique features. There's just one catch.
The Citizenship Clause on Trial: Allegiance, or Just Being Born Here?
SCOTUS heard oral arguments on the 14th Amendment's Citizenship Clause on Wednesday, focusing on the original meaning of a few key words. ... The post The Citizenship Clause on Trial: Allegiance, or Just Being Born Here? appeared first on The New American .
North Carolina Supreme Court throws out longtime suit over education funding
The North Carolina Supreme Court has thrown out longtime litigation over education funding in the state
Trump Fires AG Bondi. Possible Reason: Leak to Eric Swalwell About Fang Fang Files.
Sources say she tipped off Swalwell that the FBI was gathering documentsabout his relationship with suspected Chinese spy Christine Fang. ... The post Trump Fires AG Bondi. Possible Reason: Leak to Eric Swalwell About Fang Fang Files. appeared first on The New American .
James Fishback, a fourth-generation Floridian, is running to be the states 47th governor, replacing term-limited Ron DeSantis. Campaigning on a hardline America First platform, Fishbacks pitch to Floridians features banning abortion, cracking down on AI, stopping foreign influence, slashing government, and even placing a sin tax on pornography. Legislating morality is absolutely essential, Fishback toldThe ... The post God, Florida, and America First: James Fishback on Foreign Influence and Christian Morality in Politics appeared first on The New American .
What to know about battle over lawsuits alleging Roundup weedkiller can cause cancer
A new Kentucky law could shield agrochemical maker Bayer from lawsuits claiming it failed to warn that Roundup weedkiller could cause cancer
Trump Signs Executive Order To Create Federal Voting List
President Donald Trump signed an executive order aiming to create federal lists of citizens which the U.S. Postal Service would use to ensure mail ballots are sent to only those people, with the effort to exert control over American elections sure to be quickly challenged in court. What do you think? The post Trump Signs Executive Order To Create Federal Voting List appeared first on The Onion .
Panicked Dodgers Owner Has No Idea How Hes Going To Come Up With $414 Million Payroll
LOS ANGELESAdmitting that the teams ballooning salary expenditures had rapidly gotten away from him, panicked Los Angeles Dodgers owner Mark Walter told reporters Thursday that he had absolutely no idea how he was going to come up with the funds needed to cover this years $414 million payroll. What the hell, $414 million? Im totally [] The post Panicked Dodgers Owner Has No Idea How Hes Going To Come Up With $414 Million Payroll appeared first on The Onion .
SNAP Now Requiring Recipients To Spend 80 Hours A Month In Hypoglycemic Coma
WASHINGTONIn an effort to clamp down on what it claimed was fraudulent use of federal food benefits, the U.S. Department of Agriculture announced Thursday that applicants to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program would now need to demonstrate that they spend at least 80 hours per month in a hypoglycemic coma. These requirements ensure the SNAP [] The post SNAP Now Requiring Recipients To Spend 80 Hours A Month In Hypoglycemic Coma appeared first on The Onion .
Artemis II Mission Fails After Astronauts Miss Connection Rocket In Atlanta
ATLANTAForced to call off the approximately $4 billion journey around the moon due to unforeseen delays experienced by its four-member crew, NASA confirmed Thursday that the Artemis II mission failed Thursday after astronauts missed their connecting flight in Atlanta. We thought we had enough time to stop for a Cinnabon, but before we knew it, [] The post Artemis II Mission Fails After Astronauts Miss Connection Rocket In Atlanta appeared first on The Onion .
Lost Angeles? Poll Finds 48% of Angelenos Want Socialist Mayor
Will our second-largest city follow our largest in electing a socialist mayor? This may well be the case if a new poll is to be believed. ... The post Lost Angeles? Poll Finds 48% of Angelenos Want Socialist Mayor appeared first on The New American .
Exclusive: Universities of Wisconsin leaders looking to oust system president who refuses to quit
Android's emergency alerts just got a major map upgrade - but change this setting first
The new map view shows your location relative to the affected area, which is especially crucial headed into the US storm season.
How I pay less for gas: 5 apps I use to find the cheapest stations nearby
With gas prices climbing ever higher, these apps help me find the cheapest fuel based on my location.
Activist Mahmoud Khalil wants ex-Justice Department official off panel of judges weighing his appeal
Lawyers for Mahmoud Khalil, the former Columbia University graduate student fighting deportation, have asked Judge Emil Bove to step aside from an appellate panel that could weigh in on his case because of Boves previous role as a top Justice Departme...
What To Know About The Super Mario Galaxy Movie
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is now in theaters. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. Q: Does Mario say his famous catchphrase? A: Yes, many times throughout the movie Mario exclaims, Any dinosaur who likes Mamas Bolognese sauce is okay by me! Q: What is the film about? A: The [] The post What To Know About The Super Mario Galaxy Movie appeared first on The Onion .
Google's Gemma 4 model goes fully open-source and unlocks powerful local AI - even on phones
Now open-source under Apache 2.0, Gemma 4 brings offline, multimodal AI to servers, phones, and Raspberry Pi - giving developers total local control over edge and on-premises deployments.
New out-of-band Windows 11 update fixes March's installation errors - how to get it
Windows 11 users who tried to install March's broken preview update will want to grab the new replacement.
Oneisall Ease S1 review: Finally, a smart litter box that doesn't cost an arm and a paw
The Oneisall Ease S1 litter robot saves you from scooping and is a lot more affordable than competitors.
Australian Group Exposes Infringements of Religious Freedom
Leaders of the Canberra Declaration intend to pressure Australias state-level parliaments to enact robust protections of religious freedom. ... The post Australian Group Exposes Infringements of Religious Freedom appeared first on The New American .
Vanished without a trace: Missing Arizona girl miraculously found alive after 32 years
I built two apps with just my voice and a mouse - are IDEs already obsolete?
With one hand holding my dog and no keyboard, I advanced two serious development projects using AI prompting, proving that the traditional coding setup may no longer be required.
US crude tops $110 per barrel and Wall Street tumbles after Trump vows to escalate attacks on Iran
Oil rose more than 9% and U_S_ futures slid sharply lower after President Donald Trump said in his first national address since the Iran war began that the United States will continue to attack the Middle East nation for a few more weeks even though it...
My two Raspberry Pi boards cost as much as a laptop now - and AI is to blame
We live in a time when two 16GB Raspberry Pi 5 boards cost the same as a MacBook Neo. Here's why - and how to save.
Jake Paul Hoping To Gain Respect Of Boxing Community With Fight Against Worlds Tallest Man
The post Jake Paul Hoping To Gain Respect Of Boxing Community With Fight Against Worlds Tallest Man appeared first on The Onion .
LOS ANGELESAdmitting that there were some significant upsides to the deal despite the concerns it had raised, analysts at the National Research Group reported Thursday that the upcoming Paramount-Warner Bros. merger offered consumers the best shot at seeing aSex And The Cityreboot starring the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Fans have long clamored to find out [] The post Analysts Say Paramount-Warner Bros. Merger Offers Best Shot At Sex And The City Reboot Starring Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles appeared first on The Onion .
Inconsiderate Wife Leaves Bathroom A Total Mess After Home Birth
AUSTIN, TXReporting that he plans to shower at the gym due to the bathtub being left absolutely disgusting, local man Michael DiCanio expressed annoyance Thursday that his wife had inconsiderately left the apartments only bathroom a total mess after giving birth to their first child. Jesus Christ, theres afterbirth everywhere! I never had this problem [] The post Inconsiderate Wife Leaves Bathroom A Total Mess After Home Birth appeared first on The Onion .
Universities pressured to strip names of Epstein associates from campus buildings
Protests are growing at U.S. universities where buildings are named for associates of the late sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein
Republican leaders in Congress say they will pursue a path to ending the Homeland Security shutdown in the coming days
DHS boss rescinds restrictive $100,000 approval process, giving hope to FEMA relief efforts
Homeland Security Secretary Markwayne Mullin has rescinded a rule that DHS expenditures over $100,000 be personally approved by his office
Go back to your country: Indian-origin founder highlights hate incidents in US, seeks help
Sexual harassment lawyer sues over rejected airport ad, now has a massive billboard
A legal battle over a small advertisement a lawyer paid for at an upstate New York airport has been resolved, and the same ad now takes up two walls at the facility
Republican leaders in Congress announce plan to end Homeland Security shutdown
House Speaker Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John Thune have announced a plan to fully fund the Department of Homeland Security and try to end a record partial government shutdown
Winning numbers drawn in Wednesdays Powerball
The winning numbers in Wednesday evenings drawing of the Powerball game were: 04-10-11-52-64, Powerball: 24
Republican plan to fund Homeland Security could get first test vote on Thursday
The Senate is expected to try quickly passing a measure Thursday that would fund most of the Department of Homeland Security, though its unclear how swiftly the House will follow to largely end the longest partial government shutdown in history
How a seabird native to Hawaii has adapted to life in Honolulu's concrete jungle
A seabird native to Hawaii is flourishing in the middle of Honolulu's concrete towers, traffic-clogged roads and Waikiki hotels
Immigrants seeking asylum are ordered to countries they've never been to
In recent months, thousands of immigrants living legally in the U.S. and waiting for rulings on their asylum claims were suddenly ordered deported to countries where most have no ties
Man charged in connection with some of 'Texas Killing Fields' deaths
Prosecutors have charged a man allegedly connected to some of the Texas Killing Fields deaths of dozens of women found near Houston beginning in the 1970s
CDC pauses dozens of types of lab testing during evaluation and in wake of downsizing
The federal governments disease-tracking agency has paused its diagnostic testing for rabies, monkeypox and a number of other infectious diseases
Explosion that killed LA County deputies involved serious safety violations
A state investigation has found that the deaths of three Los Angeles County sheriffs deputies in a grenade explosion at the parking lot of a training facility last year involved willful and serious safety violations in the department, including fail...
MAGA Must Stand Firm on Deportations & Guns, Trump-Backed Candidate for Congress Says
Securing the border, executing mass deportations, helping veterans, fixing the national debt, and stopping AI data centers must be unifying policies for Republicans heading into the midterms, according to Trump-backed U.S. Congressional candidate BrandonHerreraof Texas in an interview with The New Americans Alex Newman for Conversations That Matter. Herrera, running for Texas 23rd Districtthe biggest ... The post MAGA Must Stand Firm on Deportations & Guns, Trump-Backed Candidate for Congress Says appeared first on The New American .
Sam Altman: If I Dont End The World, Someone Far More Dangerous Will
The post Sam Altman: If I Dont End The World, Someone Far More Dangerous Will appeared first on The Onion .
US lifts sanctions on Venezuelas acting President Delcy Rodrguez
The U.S. has lifted sanctions on Venezuelas acting President Delcy Rodrguez
Brief fire causes evacuation but no injuries at historic Detroit college building
Fire caused the evacuation of a historic building owned by Wayne State University in Detroit
Still running iOS 18? Install this critical update ASAP
The latest patch provides protection against the deadly DarkSword exploit for iPhone users who have chosen to remain on iOS 18.
I tried to destroy this AirTag alternative, but it wouldn't crack - unlike others
Finder tags are great, but most are pretty fragile. These Ugreen Finder Pro tags are some of the toughest I've tested.
Death of a refugee left at a Buffalo doughnut shop by Border Patrol is ruled a homicide
Medical examiners have ruled that the death of a nearly blind refugee from Myanmar, five days after Border Patrol left him at a Buffalo, New York, doughnut shop, was a homicide
A former New York prison guard is found guilty of manslaughter in an inmates fatal beating
A former corrections officer has been found guilty of manslaughter in the fatal beating of an inmate at Mid-State Correctional Facility in upstate New York
Microsoft account vs. local account: How to choose and set up your pick in Windows 11
The Windows 11 setup program really, really wants you to use a Microsoft account instead of a local account. Here's everything you need to know about your options.
PETA Urges White House To Use Potatoes For Easter Egg Roll
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is urging the White House to ditch traditional Easter eggs in favor of decorated potatoes at its annual egg-rolling event, arguing it would benefit both chickens and constituents wallets. What do you think? The post PETA Urges White House To Use Potatoes For Easter Egg Roll appeared first on The Onion .
MLB Umpires Replaced By Lawn Chair Representing Strike Zone
The post MLB Umpires Replaced By Lawn Chair Representing Strike Zone appeared first on The Onion .
I used Gmail's AI tool to do hours of work for me in 10 minutes - with 3 prompts
I just had a 'living in the future' moment with Gmail, of all things. Here's what happened.
This Android camera accessory helped me spot a hidden electrical hazard just in time
The Thermal Master P4 plugs into your Android phone and can help prevent disasters. Here's how.
Amazon Spring Sale live blog 2026: Top Amazon deals still live
Amazon's Spring Sale may be over, but you can still find some great deals on home, tech, and more live now. Buy them before they're gone.
Retail sales rise 0.6% in February, but impact of Iran war threatens to derail spending
Shoppers increased their spending in February, particularly on cars and clothing, after pulling back at the start of the year due to severe winter storms
Why I'm ditching my cheap PC cloning software for this M.2 dock that's highly functional
The Icy Box Docking and Clone Station provides the easiest way to move data between drives and to access bare drives.
I used Apple Music's new AI tool to break out of my music rut - and it worked
I usually cycle through my years-old playlists, but I tried AI-generated ones for a weekend. I found being specific is key.
DHS pauses new immigrant warehouse purchases amid review of Noem-era contracts
Homeland Security is pausing plans to buy new warehouses for immigrant detention as it reviews contracts signed under former secretary Kristi Noem
Report: Decision Not To Call Film The Baby Yoda Movie To Cost Disney $900 Million
BURBANK, CACiting nearly a billion dollars of pent-up consumer demand for entertainment featuring an infant version of an already beloved character, a new report released Wednesday by Gower Street Analytics concluded that Disneys decision not to call its upcomingStar WarsfilmThe Baby Yoda Moviewould cost the studio roughly $900 million. By naming the filmThe Mandalorian And [] The post Report: Decision Not To Call Film The Baby Yoda Movie To Cost Disney $900 Million appeared first on The Onion .
New Season Of Bridgerton To Feature 2 Women Falling In Love, Breaking Up, Forming Punk Band
LOS ANGELESInsisting that such queer stories were too often excluded from period dramas, Bridgerton showrunner Jess Brownell confirmed Wednesday that the shows next season would feature two women falling in love, breaking up, and then forming a punk band. Queer people have always existed, but until recently we didnt highlight their stories on screen in [] The post New Season Of Bridgerton To Feature 2 Women Falling In Love, Breaking Up, Forming Punk Band appeared first on The Onion .
