29 C theonion
Elections 2026Jammu & kashmir / theonion
WASHINGTONHis voice shaking even more than usual as he grew excited over his impending torment, a trembling Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was overheard Thursday telling a dominatrix to use processed foods on his balls. Mistress Jessica, Ive been a bad little health and human services secretary, and II deserve to have my pathetic nuts punished [] The post Trembling RFK Jr. Tells Dominatrix To Use Processed Foods On His Balls appeared first on The Onion .
Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle are set to return to the U.K. six years after stepping back from royal duties and moving to the U.S. What do you think? The post Prince Harry, Meghan Markle Moving Back To U.K. appeared first on The Onion .
MENLO PARK, CATouting the new software update as a staggering innovation no other wearable technology could offer, CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced Wednesday that Metas smart glasses would now remind users to blink to appear human. Every 30 to 60 seconds, our revolutionary heads-up display will prompt wearers to slowly close and then reopen their eyes [] The post New Meta Glasses Feature Reminds Users To Blink To Appear Human appeared first on The Onion .
COLUMBUS, OHTelling the 54-year-old there was no reason to panic over the fist-sized bulge that had recently begun shifting beneath the skin of his abdomen, local physician Alan Keller reportedly reassured patient Eric Madsen on Wednesday that the lump was probably just his body making an extra guy. At your age, its perfectly normal to [] The post Doctor Reassures Patient That Lump Probably Just Body Making Extra Guy appeared first on The Onion .
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