theonion

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CATouting the new feature as yet another innovation to help every traveler get where theyre going, Google Maps on Thursday began offering crawling directions for cyclists who have been hit by a truck. Whether youve been sideswiped by a tractor-trailer on a two-lane road or dragged through an intersection by a furniture delivery [] The post Google Maps Introduces Crawling Directions For Cyclists Hit By Truck appeared first on The Onion .

From specialized nutrition plans to mental skills work to experimental equipment, the quest to stay healthy and productive now takes NFL athletes far beyond the weight room. Here are some ways players keep themselves fit throughout the season. Mental Skills In recent years, mental preparation has become a major emphasis across the league. Some defensive [] The post Game Ready: How NFL Players Prepare Their Bodies And Minds For The Long Season appeared first on The Onion .

SpaceX recently unveiled plans to construct a $100 billion spaceport in Louisiana, which CEO Elon Musk has said will be the biggest launch site on Earth. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the facility. Q: Why Louisiana? A: To give locals the no-brainer choice between living in Louisiana and dying in space. [] The post What To Know About Starbase, Louisiana appeared first on The Onion .

ARLINGTON, TXNoting the text was chock-full of anti-vampire bias, local woman Anna Lambert told reporters Tuesday that the author of the book she was reading had clearly been betrayed by a vampire in his past. He definitely has an ax to grind, because this vampire character is written as a total monster, said Lambert, who [] The post Novelist Was Clearly Betrayed By A Vampire In His Past appeared first on The Onion .

CARLSBAD, CADesperately scanning the kitchen counter for anything besides a fruit or vegetable, local man Jeremy Drummond watched in silence Tuesday as his wife revealed all the things she brought home from the store that werent Cheez-Its. Come on, come on, now that weve got all this health food out of the way, lets get [] The post Man Watches In Silence As Wife Reveals All The Things She Brought Home From Store That Arent Cheez-Its appeared first on The Onion .