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SAN FRANCISCOClaiming that the small adjustment would be an effective way to bolster public support, artificial intelligence strategist Mark Freeling advised tech firms Tuesday to start calling data centers computer parties. While the term data centers currently has many negative associations, the word computer parties is just plain fun, said Freeling, who in a presentation [] The post AI Strategist Suggests Calling Data Centers Computer Parties appeared first on The Onion .

ARLINGTON, TXNoting the text was chock-full of anti-vampire bias, local woman Anna Lambert told reporters Tuesday that the author of the book she was reading had clearly been betrayed by a vampire in his past. He definitely has an ax to grind, because this vampire character is written as a total monster, said Lambert, who [] The post Novelist Was Clearly Betrayed By A Vampire In His Past appeared first on The Onion .

CARLSBAD, CADesperately scanning the kitchen counter for anything besides a fruit or vegetable, local man Jeremy Drummond watched in silence Tuesday as his wife revealed all the things she brought home from the store that werent Cheez-Its. Come on, come on, now that weve got all this health food out of the way, lets get [] The post Man Watches In Silence As Wife Reveals All The Things She Brought Home From Store That Arent Cheez-Its appeared first on The Onion .

NEW YORKCondemning the widespread practice as cruel and inhumane, animal rights activists reportedly made comments Tuesday decrying the meat industry for separating calves from their cool uncles. It should shock our collective conscience that calves as young as a few hours old are ripped away from their mothers fun, easygoing brothers, said activist Heather Bolton, [] The post Activists Decry Meat Industrys Practice Of Separating Calves From Their Cool Uncles appeared first on The Onion .

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJHoping that imagery strongly associated with success and winning will reignite fan enthusiasm, the New York Jets unveiled a line of Philadelphia Eaglesthemed alternate jerseys Thursday in an effort to boost merchandise sales.After several difficult seasons, we wanted to give Jets fans a shade of green that lets them proudly show their support, [] The post Jets Hope To Sell More Merchandise With New Philadelphia EaglesThemed Jerseys appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONCalling the act a forward-looking attempt to preserve the nations most precious natural treasures for the presidents descendants, the Department of the Interior announced Monday that it would set aside a 2.3-million-acre stretch of American land for future Trumps to enjoy. Were proud to safeguard these beautiful forests, beaches, and mountaintops to ensure they can [] The post Dept. Of Interior Sets Aside 2.3 Million Acres For Future Trumps To Enjoy appeared first on The Onion .

In my 100 years, Ive been favored with good health, time with loved ones, and a long, fulfilling career. There are many things for which I am grateful, not least of which is the opportunity to travel this astonishing planet, witness its wondrous diversity of life, and share what Ive seen with generations of television [] The post When I Die, Feed Me To Something Majestic appeared first on The Onion .