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THE HEAVENSAsserting that Hed had enough of the drama, the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, shocked fans Tuesday by announcing His abrupt departure from The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives. Though this series has been a huge part of My eternal life, I can no longer participate in good faith, the Supreme Leader [] The post God Announces Departure From Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONDeclaring the military fortifications an urgent matter of national security,President Donald Trump on Monday proposed the installation of a sniper nest atop his youngest son, Barron. Were going to set up Barron right there on Memorial Circle, where some of the deadliest marksmen in our armed forces will be posted around the clock on his [] The post Trump Proposes Installation Of Sniper Nest Atop Barron appeared first on The Onion .

NEW PROVIDENCE, PAExpressing shock at how much time hed been wasting on the mindless activity,local Amish man Eli King was reportedly ashamed to learn Tuesday that he typically logs more than five hours of horse time per day. I thought it was maybe an hour a day at most, but my jaw dropped when I [] The post Amish Man Ashamed To Learn He Logging Over 5 Hours Of Horse Time Per Day appeared first on The Onion .

PHOENIXCarefully noting several mistakes hed made while typing up what would ultimately be the worst mistake of his life,local man Carson Myers spent several minutes Tuesday double-checking thecareer-ending Facebook commenthe was about to post for spelling. Lets see, is it theyre or their? Phew, that would have been embarrassing,said Myers, who obsessively tinkered with a [] The post Career-Ending Facebook Comment Double-Checked For Spelling appeared first on The Onion .

Josephine Walker, 23, really should have picked truth. The post Josephine Walker appeared first on The Onion .

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