theonion

DOYLESTOWN, PAExpressing frustration over their friends increasingly disinterested behavior in recent years, participants in a local fantasy football league confirmed Tuesday that they were rapidly losing patience with the one player in their group who has other things going on in his life. I swear to God, Brian [Fischer] needs to get his act together [] The post Rest Of Fantasy League Losing Patience With Player Who Has Other Things Going On In His Life appeared first on The Onion .

THE HEAVENSNoting that a marked downward trend had developed this fiscal year and showed no signs of stopping, The Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, reported He was concerned Monday over what He called troubling Q3 circumcision numbers. Sure, with the declining birth rate, we expect there to be some slight shrinkage in our [] The post God Concerned By Q3 Circumcision Numbers appeared first on The Onion .