theonion

Whether shorts are office-appropriate attire has ignited an online debate. The Onion examines the pros and cons of wearing shorts in the office. PRO New scapegoat for bad quarter Good to have full range of movement while sitting stationary for eight hours A well-aired cog is a productive cog Ready to attend barbecue at a [] The post Pros And Cons Of Wearing Shorts In The Office appeared first on The Onion .

LONDONAcknowledging that the sea mammals were far from being awe-inspiring, beautiful creatures or a splendor of nature, an embarrassed David Attenborough finally admitted this week to exaggerating the wonder of seals. While I did several monologues in voiceover claiming that sea lions have a quiet majesty, they are actually just stinky, slippery wet dogs with [] The post David Attenborough Admits To Exaggerating Wonder Of Seals appeared first on The Onion .

The post Men Overly Bored appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONDismissing public concern about the presidents health as baseless speculation, Capt. Sean Barbabella, the director of the White House Medical Unit, announced at a press conference Friday that Donald Trump has always been a face drawn onto a cantaloupe. If you go back and look at his presidential portrait, hes always had two dots as [] The post White House Doctor Claims President Has Always Been Face Drawn Onto Cantaloupe appeared first on The Onion .

RENO, NVWincing as he sang in a baritone voice with a slight British accent, local woman Mary Lowe reportedly felt immense pity at a karaoke outing Thursday after she imagined her friend Matthew Brown working on his Morrissey impression alone at home. Oh no, I can picture him practicing it all by himself in his [] The post Karaoke Outing Paints Heartbreaking Picture Of Friend Practicing Morrissey Impression Alone appeared first on The Onion .

The post Every Commercial On ESPN Past Midnight Just Straight-Up Telling Viewers They Have Prostate Cancer appeared first on The Onion .