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theonion

Delhi / theonion

Antichrist Rolls Eyes Throughout

ROMEIn addition to crossing his arms and shaking his head as he listened to the tech billionaire spread blatant misinformation about the End Times, the Antichrist reportedly rolled his eyes Monday throughout a lecture given by Peter Thiel.This second-rate charlatan doesnt know the first goddamn thing about my plans to bring widespread doom, said the [] The post Antichrist Rolls Eyes Throughout Peter Thiel Lecture appeared first on The Onion .

7 Aug 2026 6:30 pm
Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda

Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda: The happy couple were wed in a quiet ceremony attended by 20 friends and one new virus the rest of the world will learn about soon enough. The post Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda appeared first on The Onion .

7 Aug 2026 6:30 pm
The Onion

As late summer gives way to early fall, many Americans will head to the fair and seek out their favorite regional delicacies. Here are The Onions top state fair foods. Smoked Carny Leg Whole Branzino On A Stick Big Ol Gulp From The Hose Tums Egg Roll Tarred-And-Feathered Corn Dog Deep-Fried Items From The Lost [] The post The Onions Top State Fair Foods appeared first on The Onion .

7 Aug 2026 6:30 pm
Everyone Needs To Calm

CLARKTON, NCStressing the need to get a grip and think clearly for a second, local man Ryan Kruze, who had just accidentally shot someone, reportedly urged all the people around him on Friday to calm down.Okay, everyone, lets just take a deep breath and pull ourselves together, said Kruze, who, after discharging his firearm while [] The post Everyone Needs To Calm Down, Reports Man Who Accidentally Shot Someone appeared first on The Onion .

7 Aug 2026 6:30 pm
Ariana Grande Takes Break From Public Life Amid

Representatives of pop star and actress Ariana Grande announced she is taking a break from public life, citing endless, ongoing public scrutiny of her health and physical appearance. What do you think? The post Ariana Grande Takes Break From Public Life Amid Endless Scrutiny appeared first on The Onion .

7 Aug 2026 6:30 pm
Eating Disorders: Myth Vs. Fact

An estimated 9% of Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding eating disorders. MYTH: Most people with eating disorders are young. FACT: They just look young because of how thin and beautiful they are. MYTH: Only a doctor can diagnose an eating disorder. FACT: Its [] The post Eating Disorders: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on The Onion .

7 Aug 2026 6:30 pm
Man Came To Funeral Straight From Work

The post Man Came To Funeral Straight From Work appeared first on The Onion .

7 Aug 2026 6:30 pm