theonion

ARLINGTON, VASaying it was disappointing to enter the smoothie shop and not be greeted by streamers or decorations, local man Ryan Hunter confirmed Tuesday that workers at Sweetgrass Juicery were not as excited for his birthday as the marketing email had suggested they were. Yesterday I got this email that was like, Congratulations on your [] The post Smoothie Shop Workers Not As Excited For Mans Birthday As Marketing Email Made It Seem appeared first on The Onion .

The post Late Uncle Remembered As Man Who Had Can Crusher In Garage appeared first on The Onion .

Interactions between the president and the free press have been central to the United States since the nations founding. The Onion takes a look back at key moments that have shaped the executive branchs relationship with the Fourth Estate. 1803 Local busybody Arthur Swipple wanders into the White House and asks Thomas Jefferson what hes [] The post Timeline Of PresidentPress Relations appeared first on The Onion .

The post Marathoner Already Pissing Self Half-Mile In appeared first on The Onion .