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WASHINGTONPatting themselves on the back for seeing a film that was neither a sequel nor a prequel, the U.S. populace announced Wednesday that they were proud of themselves for watching and enjoying an original movie. Learning the names of characters Id never heard of before wasnt easy, but ultimately Im glad I did my part [] The post Nation Proud Of Self For Watching, Enjoying Original Movie appeared first on The Onion .

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AMARILLO, TXExpressing astonishment over the unorthodox combination of the two distinct cuisines, local customers described the remarkable culinary innovation they experienced Thursday at the grand opening of a daring new fusion restaurant that mixes Texan and Mexican flavors. It sounds kind of gimmicky, but somehow the flavors work together, said local resident Harrison Peters, who [] The post Daring Fusion Restaurant Mixes Texan, Mexican Flavors appeared first on The Onion .

COLUMBIA, MOSurveying a wide cross section of Americans aged 18 to 24, a new study published Tuesday by researchers at the University of Missouri found that more Americans were foregoing college in favor of letting the carnival sort them out. In a dire job market like this, it doesnt make sense to spend tens of [] The post Study: More Americans Foregoing College In Favor Of Letting The Carnival Sort Them Out appeared first on The Onion .

CHICAGOAnticipating the announcement would rank among the biggest scoops of his career, ESPN senior NBA insider Shams Charania is said to have casually mentioned to his colleagues Tuesday that he was really looking forward to breaking the news of Michael Jordans eventual death. When MJ dies, Ill be right there with a breaking news post [] The post Shams Charania Casually Tells Colleagues He Really Looking Forward To Breaking Michael Jordans Death appeared first on The Onion .

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New Education Department data found a double-digit decline in the number of school-aged children who read for fun almost every day, with the share of 13-year-olds who regularly read for pleasure down almost half since 2012. What do you think? The post Study: Reading For Fun Down Among Schoolchildren appeared first on The Onion .

Singer-songwriter Olivia Rodrigo has released her highly anticipated third studio album, You Seem Pretty Sad For A Girl So In Love. Heres everything you need to know about the artist. Age: 24-year-old Gen Xer Hobbies: Music Signature Look: Scrutinized Fans Call Themselves: Pitchfork staff writers Unreleased Songs Comparing Herself To Sham, The Star Thoroughbred Who [] The post Artist Profile: Olivia Rodrigo appeared first on The Onion .

Many online criticized NASAs decision to select only male astronauts for its upcoming Artemis III mission, with Administrator Jared Isaacman claiming that the agency assigns the crew that gives the mission the best chance of meeting its objectives. What do you think? The post NASA Criticized For Selecting All-Male Artemis III Crew appeared first on The Onion .

LOS ANGELESSaying a courtesy call would have been nice even if nothing ever came of it, E.T. told reporters Monday he was shocked at not being contacted by director Steven Spielberg for a cameo in his new sci-fi movieDisclosure Day.I knew I wasnt going to be the lead, which was totally fine, but are you [] The post E.T. Admits Shock At Not Even Being Called For Cameo In Disclosure Day appeared first on The Onion .

OAKLAND, CAStressing that it was never okay to criticize someones appearance, Ariana Grande fans reportedly took to social media Monday to slam body-shamers for pointing out that the singer was actively on fire. One, shes always been naturally flammable, and two, shes asked people to stop talking about the fire multiple times, said 29-year-old Emma [] The post Ariana Grande Fans Slam Body-Shamers For Pointing Out Singer Actively On Fire appeared first on The Onion .

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NEW YORKWarning that millions of men aged 35 and older would be left utterly adrift following the traumatic loss, researchers at Columbia University published a study Monday that revealed the majority of middle-aged men in the United States lacked the support network they would need to handle singer-songwriter Neil Youngs death. Its deeply concerning that [] The post Study: Majority Of Middle-Aged Men Lack Support Network Theyll Need To Handle Neil Youngs Death appeared first on The Onion .

NEW YORKCondemning the unlawful possession of its property by generations of spectators, Major League Baseball issued a recall Monday of all foul balls that have ever been taken home from its ballparks. These balls belong to Major League Baseball, and we want them back, said MLB commissioner Rob Manfred, stressing that any fan who has [] The post MLB Demands Return Of All Foul Balls appeared first on The Onion .