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New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani called on the federal government to execute the International Criminal Courts arrest warrant for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu while he attends the U.N. General Assembly, claiming that New York City did not have the legal authority. What do you think? The post Mamdani Urges Feds To Arrest Netanyahu appeared first on The Onion .

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Whether youre out on the town or throwing a cozy event at home, karaoke can be a fun and cathartic group activity. The Onion shares tips for your next karaoke night. Hold the microphone one to two inches into your mouth. Pick a crowd-pleasing oldie that everyone knows, like Greensleeves or Froggy Went A-Courtin. Practice [] The post Tips For Karaoke appeared first on The Onion .

The Onion selects the best books to take on vacation this year. The post Bestselling Beach Reads appeared first on The Onion .

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CHARLOTTE, NCAdmitting he was baffled that the seven days without whiskey hadnt already made him a high-functioning member of society, local one-week sober man Trent Ross told reporters Friday he thought all his problems would have been fixed by now. Its been seven days since I had a drink, but I still havent gotten a [] The post One-Week Sober Man Thought All Problems Would Be Fixed By Now appeared first on The Onion .

EDINBURGH, SCOTLANDSighing as he prepared to board a bus to the airport for his return flight home, American tourist Ben Frachs reported feeling disappointed Friday to be leaving Scotland without having seen a single Fat Bastard. I cant believe I didnt spot one Fat Bastard the whole time I was here, said Frachs, who claimed [] The post Tourist Disappointed To Leave Scotland Without Seeing Single Fat Bastard appeared first on The Onion .

With her roles in the current and upcoming blockbusters The Odyssey, Spider-Man: Brand New Day, and Dune: Part Three, Zendaya is having a banner year. The Onion sat down with the star to discuss whats new and whats next. The Onion: What drew you to The Odyssey ? Zendaya: Ive always had a passion for large [] The post The Onions Exclusive Interview With Zendaya appeared first on The Onion .

LOS ANGELESNoting that the extra small available on the sales floor just wouldnt work for his client, Zendayas stylist Law Roach reportedly asked a store associate Thursday if she had Tom Holland in any other sizes. Excuse me? This sample size wont work for Z, shes very tall, said Roach, who was overheard demanding that [] The post Law Roach Asks Store Associate If She Has Tom Holland In Different Size appeared first on The Onion .

Vice President JD Vance and Second Lady Usha Vance announced the birth of a baby boy, their fourth child and the first born to a sitting U.S. vice president in over 150 years. What do you think? The post JD, Usha Vance Welcome Baby Boy appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONTouting the new line of currency as an important way to recognize the many babes bagged by the commander-in-chief over the years, the U.S. Mint announced plans Wednesday to release a series of gold coins commemorating President Donald Trumps extramarital affairs. These coins will allow Americans to celebrate their nations semiquincentennial by collecting 50 of [] The post U.S. Mint Unveils Series Of Gold Coins Commemorating Presidents Extramarital Affairs appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONResponding to repeated complaints about the smell and the difficulty of reheating lunch while the U.S. Cabinet member was still rotating inside the appliance, Department of Health and Human Services staffers reportedly had to remind Robert F. Kennedy Jr. not to microwave himself in the office kitchen. This is a shared space, and its upsetting [] The post RFK Jr. Reminded Not To Microwave Himself In Office Kitchen appeared first on The Onion .

BOSTONStruggling to come to grips with the unreasonable demands, local man Gerald Ullman told reporters Wednesday that his overbearing girlfriend was expecting him to take the feelings in his head and use words to say them into the world. I just dont get what she means when she says I should use my mouth to [] The post Overbearing Girlfriend Expects Man To Take Feelings In Head, Use Words To Say Them Into World appeared first on The Onion .

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A Pew study found that China was viewed more favorably than America among the 36 countries surveyed, reporting 46% and 36% favorability respectively. What do you think? The post China Viewed More Favorably Than U.S. appeared first on The Onion .

SANTA FE, NMGrunting with exertion as he hauled the weighty volume out of his satchel,author George R.R. Martin was seen Tuesday handing his agent an unsolicited, 4,000-page manuscript titled Tuba Man, Scuba Man. Hey, remember that idea I had about a big band leader using atubaas a diving bell to bring jazz to an underwater [] The post George R.R. Martin Hands Agent Unsolicited, 4,000-Page Manuscript Titled Tuba Man, Scuba Man appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONApologizing to his fellow congressmen after he fumbled the wooden handle for the fifth time in a row, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson was observed struggling to hold his speaker gavel Tuesday while wearing anti-masturbation mitts. The House will come to orderoops, hold on, one minute, said the Louisiana Republican, appearing to perspire heavily [] The post Mike Johnson Struggles To Hold Speaker Gavel While Wearing Anti-Masturbation Mitts appeared first on The Onion .

BLSKGABYGG, ICELANDExpressing regret that the interruption would delay the highly anticipated video game adaptation, the producers of A24s upcoming Elden Ring film announced Tuesday that the project had stalled after a red phantom named TwinkPunisher invaded the set. Despite our security teams best efforts, a loincloth-wearing invader with the handle TwinkPunisher was able to gain [] The post A24s Elden Ring Film Stalled After Red Phantom Named TwinkPunisher Invades Set appeared first on The Oni

EAU CLAIRE, WIStaring down at his dampened shirt with a mixture of anger and stunned disbelief, local man Frank Buchwald was reportedly acting like he was never going to be dry again after he got hit by a sprinkler Tuesday. Buchwald, who was described by friends and colleagues as an otherwise sane and rational person, [] The post Man Angry He Got Hit By Sprinkler Acting Like Hes Never Going To Be Dry Again appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONDazed while trying to piece together the series of bizarre yet deeply vivid images,the entire nation reportedly awoke Monday from a strange dream in which it had been watching soccer. I wasnt just willingly viewing it, I actually cared who won, andI was tuning in right here in the United Statesinstead of watching it in [] The post Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer appeared first on The Onion .

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MIAMIConfined to a federal detention center in Florida and facing extradition to the U.K. on multiple charges of human trafficking and rape, social media influencer Andrew Tate was reportedly heard to exclaim, No bars can hold me! this weekend as he entered his ninth consecutive hour of trying to pry open his cell. Prison is [] The post No Bars Can Hold Me, Says Andrew Tate Entering 9th Hour Of Trying To Pry Open Cell appeared first on The Onion .

Olive Garden announced the return of the Never-Ending Pasta Pass, giving pass holders 13 weeks of unlimited pasta for $100. What do you think? The post Never-Ending Pasta Pass Returns To Olive Garden appeared first on The Onion .

PITTSBURGHAttempting to soften the blow with a promise to go out for ice cream later, local parents Dylan and Olivia Barnes reportedly sat their children down Monday for a difficult discussion about moving to the ad tier. I know change is hard, but Mommy and Daddy had a long and serious talk, and we think [] The post Parents Sit Kids Down For Difficult Discussion About Moving To Ad Tier appeared first on The Onion .

Amid concerns over a $1.8 billion fund to compensate Jan. 6 rioters and his handling of the Epstein files, acting Attorney General Todd Blanche faces an uphill confirmation battle for the permanent job. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the Trump nominee. Current Position: The most available one Legal Field: Crony law [] The post Political Profile: Todd Blanche appeared first on The Onion .

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ITHACA, NYConcluding that Americans were being forced to endure huge stretches of the year without any obvious social pretext for serving warm bread, a new study published Monday by researchers at Cornell University found there simply arent enough occasions where you get to eat rolls. Our data shows that the vast majority of people would [] The post Study Finds There Arent Enough Occasions Where You Get To Eat Rolls appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONVehemently defending his controversial closed-eye moments, President Donald Trump insisted Monday that his frequent naps were necessary to protect U.S. interests in Dreamland. It may be hard to tell from where youre sitting, but trust me, Im not taking it easy in Dreamland, said the 80-year-old Trump, who lashed out at reporters for asking questions [] The post Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland appeared first on The Onion .