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LONDONIn a damning memoir filled with explosive claims about her brutal treatment by the House of Windsor, Diana, the former Princess of Wales, has at long last given the public a firsthand account of her disturbing experiences living with the British royal family. So many unfounded rumors have been circulating about me and my relationship [] The post Princess Diana Releases Bombshell Memoir appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONMarveling at how his American counterparts grasp of the difficult language had progressed,Chinese leaderXi Jinping told reporters Thursday that he was deeply impressed with how much President Donald Trumps English had improved since the two last met. He definitely isnt fluent, and I doubt hell ever get there, but hes truly come a long way [] The post Xi Jinping Impressed With How Much Trumps English Has Improved Since Last Visit appeared first on The Onion .

LOS ANGELESSounding a loud buzzer to signal that the pop stars were now permitted to leave the dance studio, Hybe x Geffen record executives were seen Thursday releasing Katseye for their daily half hour of yard time. We make sure our global girl group members get a solid 30 minutes of outdoor recreation for every [] The post Record Executives Release Katseye For Daily Half Hour Of Yard Time appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONReflecting on the past fling and remarking how time had flown by, local golden retriever Daisy told reporters Thursday that she could not believe the guy she hooked up with 10 years ago was now the head of the FBI. I remember seeing him on TV and thinking, No, that cant be Kash, but sure [] The post Dog Cant Believe Guy She Hooked Up With 10 Years Ago Now Head Of FBI appeared first on The Onion .

Primetime star Robert Pattinson is receiving widespread acclaim for his portrayal of To Catch A Predator host Chris Hansen. The Onion sat down with the actor to discuss his craft, his career, and whats next. The Onion: What creative liberties did you take with the role of Chris Hansen? Pattinson: Instead of Why dont you [] The post The Onions Exclusive Interview With Robert Pattinson appeared first on The Onion .

CHICAGOSaying the man promised visitors access to the real show, onlookers confirmed Thursday that a guy outside the Barack Obama Presidential Center was selling cheaper tickets to something called Barrys Magical Experience. Why waste your time at a freaking snoozefest library when Im offering no lines to enter the wondrous world of old Barry O. [] The post Guy Outside Obama Center Selling Cheaper Tickets To Something Called Barrys Magical Experience appeared first on The Onion .

THE HEAVENSAsserting that Hed had enough of the drama, the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, shocked fans Tuesday by announcing His abrupt departure from The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives. Though this series has been a huge part of My eternal life, I can no longer participate in good faith, the Supreme Leader [] The post God Announces Departure From Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONDeclaring the military fortifications an urgent matter of national security,President Donald Trump on Monday proposed the installation of a sniper nest atop his youngest son, Barron. Were going to set up Barron right there on Memorial Circle, where some of the deadliest marksmen in our armed forces will be posted around the clock on his [] The post Trump Proposes Installation Of Sniper Nest Atop Barron appeared first on The Onion .

PHOENIXCarefully noting several mistakes hed made while typing up what would ultimately be the worst mistake of his life,local man Carson Myers spent several minutes Tuesday double-checking thecareer-ending Facebook commenthe was about to post for spelling. Lets see, is it theyre or their? Phew, that would have been embarrassing,said Myers, who obsessively tinkered with a [] The post Career-Ending Facebook Comment Double-Checked For Spelling appeared first on The Onion .

The post Glamour Of Lamborghini Negated By Indiana Plates appeared first on The Onion .

Josephine Walker, 23, really should have picked truth. The post Josephine Walker appeared first on The Onion .

NEW PROVIDENCE, PAExpressing shock at how much time hed been wasting on the mindless activity,local Amish man Eli King was reportedly ashamed to learn Tuesday that he typically logs more than five hours of horse time per day. I thought it was maybe an hour a day at most, but my jaw dropped when I [] The post Amish Man Ashamed To Learn He Logging Over 5 Hours Of Horse Time Per Day appeared first on The Onion .

SAN ANSELMO, CACursing himself for ever thinking this museum thing was a good idea, a frantic George Lucas was reportedly hosing a wasp nest out of R2-D2 Monday ahead of the public opening of his new Museum of Narrative Art. Hold still, R2we were supposed to be there 15 minutes ago, said the 82-year-old filmmaker, [] The post George Lucas Frantically Hosing Wasp Nest Out Of R2-D2 Before Museum Opening appeared first on The Onion .

A new type of tiger cat thats smaller than a house cat was discovered in the Bolivian cloud forest, marking the first time in a century that a new species of wild cat has been identified. What do you think? The post First New Wild Cat Species Discovered In 100 Years appeared first on The Onion .

Vaccination rates of U.S. children have fallen beneath the threshold needed to maintain herd immunity, triggering measles outbreaks in many states. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding the highly contagious illness. MYTH: Measles is just a rash. FACT: Youre much too comfortable with having a rash. MYTH: The measles virus can linger in [] The post Measles: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONSaying dire financial circumstances had left it with nothing but the most desperate option,the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts announced Monday that it had filed for bankruptcy and would now be forced to auction off the skeleton of its presidential namesake. Unfortunately, we have reached the point where we either sell off [] The post Bankrupt Kennedy Center Auctions Off JFKs Skeleton appeared first on The Onion .

PORTLAND, ORAdmitting that he was completely at a loss over what he could possibly add, NSFW artist Caleb Driscoll told reporters Monday that he was struggling to improve upon the raw sexuality of the regular Muppets. Normally this stuff just flows right out of melike, Ive never had any issue making Hank Hill or Totoro [] The post NSFW Artist Struggling To Improve On Sexiness Of Regular Muppets appeared first on The Onion .

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJAfter divvying up a Bud Light six-pack and soggy Subway sandwiches purchased at an I-87 rest stop, a glum group of tailgaters in Section J of the MetLife Stadium parking lot confirmed Sunday that the tailgate across from them looked way more fun.Damn, those guys brought a portable generator just to power the [] The post Report: Other Tailgate Looks More Fun appeared first on The Onion .

A new survey found that one third of Americans who have health coverage still have medical debt that they are paying off over time. What do you think? The post Survey Finds 1 In 3 Americans With Health Insurance Have Medical Debt appeared first on The Onion .

Former President Barack Obama announced that his familys Portuguese water dog Sunny, which they got in 2013 during their time in the White House, has passed away. What do you think? The post Obama Family Dog Passes Away appeared first on The Onion .