The Times of India

Send your child far away...: Acharya Prashant says this one parenting decision can help children grow into independent adults

For many parents, the idea of sending a child to a college or a school far from home feels unsettling. Will they manage on their own? Will they eat properly? Will they be safe? All too often, families have to settle for the closest college, even if there are other options.Spiritual teacher and author Acharya Prashant feels this urge to keep children close might actually be an obstacle for them. In a recent Instagram reel, he spoke about why parents should let go of the need to control every bit of their childs life, and instead allow them the freedom to develop, make mistakes and be independent.Here's what he said.Send them to the one far awaySpeaking about the common dilemma parents face when choosing a college, Acharya Prashant said that distance can become an opportunity for growth. The children have grown up, they are getting admission in colleges etc. and there are two options: one near home and one five hundred, a thousand, two thousand kilometers away. Send them to the one far away, he said.According to him, living independently helps young adults develop confidence, responsibility and resilience in ways that staying under constant parental supervision often cannot.The child's personality will develop better. Otherwise, you are making him a homebody, he said. His point is not that every child must study outside their hometown, but that parents should not choose familiarity over growth simply because they are afraid of letting go.Parents don't need to manage every detailAcharya Prashant also spoke about a habit many Indian parents can relate to: constantly checking on their children. He said many parents continue monitoring their children's daily routine even after they have grown up. And don't interfere in his/her life.He added that parents often discuss complex ideas about raising children but overlook this basic principle. Parents often talk about big things. But there is a very small thing a grown up child wants. It is that My parents don't interfere in my life, says Acharya Prashant.According to him, parents should create a healthy environment and values during childhood, but once children are old enough, they should be trusted to make their own choices.The environment is set, now fly as you wishExplaining what healthy parenting looks like, he said parents should focus on providing support instead of control. Yes, they have created the entire environment. The environment is set, and do whatever you want. Fly as you wish, he said.He believes that once children have been given the right values, parents should allow them to explore the world without constantly directing every decision.Don't be afraid of losing controlMany parents worry that giving children too much freedom will make them drift away from the family. Acharya Prashant challenged this fear directly. Don't be afraid that we are parents and the child is slipping out of our hands. In fact, he believes that this slipping away is exactly what healthy parenting should encourage.It's a good thing if he is slipping out of your hands. Children who are controlled too tightly often have a hard time finding their own identity, he said.The child who is clenched in your fist will become a bonsai. Like a bonsai tree thats kept miniature by design, a child may not reach his or her full potential when not afforded enough freedom.Why children need open groundTo explain his point further, Acharya Prashant used the example of a tree. Love is like this: the seed may be mine, but I have planted it, given it water and nourishment. Now its roots must go deep, he said.He said many parents unknowingly keep children in a comfort zone because they believe it keeps them safe.What do we do? Daughter, you will stay in this pot. You will be safe here, daughter. But safety alone, he argues, is not enough for growth.If that daughter stays in the pot, then the daughter will only grow this much. Instead, children need room to explore life beyond the family's protection.She doesn't need a pot. What does she need? She needs open ground so she can reach the high sky, he shared.The bigger parenting messageAcharya Prashant's advice may not be practical for every family. There are financial constraints, safety concerns and educational opportunities that decide where a child will study. But his larger message is more than just the choice of college.It is about raising children who can take decisions, face challenges and build a life of their own.Letting go is rarely easy for parents. Yet, sometimes, the greatest expression of love is not holding on tighter, but trusting children enough to let them spread their wings.Image Courtesy: Photos by PrashantAdvait Foundation