The Times of India

What to do when your child is angry: Parents share most effective techniques that almost invariably worked

A child showing anger or tantrums can be frustrating for parents. While anger is a natural emotion, there are some acceptable ways to react and some unbearable. For parents, the confusion arises when they just dont understand how to react. Is strict discipline or repeated instructions the solution? From what we got to know from parents, it rarely works.But many parents come up with interesting solutions to handle their little ones big emotions. Here are some parents sharing the techniques that helped them handle their childrens anger better:I started controlling my own reactions. Laxmi M, a mother of two from Haldwani, says she noticed a pattern whenever her children, aged 13 and 11 got angry. I noticed that when I raised my voice during my childrens anger, the situation only became worse. Soon I realised that my children werent learning calmness because I wasnt showing it, she says.Since the realization hit me, I began lowering my voice, speaking slowly, and taking a few seconds before responding whenever either of my children got angry or showed a tantrum.Laxmis approach worked because she understood that children learn more from observing their parents than they learn from nagging.Me and my husband started reacting calmly to my sons anger.Radha U, a mother of three living in Delhi, recalls that her eldest son, aged 17, used to get extremely upset whenever he couldnt do well in something. In the past Radha and her husband used to get worked up with their sons unbearable anger. But now, as she says, We started sitting next to him and calmly asking what happened? She says soon after they started reacting calmly, their sons actions also changed. Now instead of getting angry, he comes up to her or his dad and talks about the things that bother him.I taught both my daughters a special anger control technique.Ananya, mother of two lovely daughters, says, When my daughters were younger, their anger would often come out as shouting, crying, or refusing to listen. She says that she realised that simply telling them to control their anger wont help. Ananya knew that the solution wont come from talking and shouting. So, I started teaching them a small technique- pause before reacting. Whenever they felt angry, I encouraged them to stop, take a few deep breaths, and count slowly before saying or doing anything. Ananya says over time both her daughters began using this technique on their own.I started listening to my daughter instead of nagging her.My daughter would often get angry over small things not getting what she wanted, being told no, or having to stop an activity she enjoyed. Earlier, I would immediately start nagging her, says Jyoti P, mother of a 7-year-old girl. She noticed that it only worsened things. I changed my approach and started listening first. Sometimes she just wanted to feel heard. Jyoti adds.Jyotis approach worked because there are times when children dont want to hear, but want to be heard.We started investing our sons anger into physical activity.Rahul, father of 9-year-old Abhay, says My son has always been very energetic, and when he felt frustrated, that energy often came out as anger. We started channeling his anger into physical activities like running, cycling, playing football, and even simple exercises at home, and trust me, it helped, he says. Rahul says with a hint of laughter that now his son Abhay sometimes tells them, I need to play for a while because Im feeling angry.