Defining the cracks of heart and hurt

In a clip from their interview show Two Much , actors Twinkle Khanna and Kajol play a game: those who agree with a premise enter a green circle, those who dont enter a red one. The premise posed was: Emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating. Established provocateur Karan Johar joins the hosts in the green circle. The only one who disagrees is actor Janhvi Kapoor, who is in her late 20s. The hosts, both in their 50s, cajole her, then say she will step into their circle as she gets older. The clip has gone viral because people are appalled that physical infidelity seems to be excused. Some pity the hosts, whose stances possibly reveal something about their marriages, while also reprimanding them for trying to normalise marital infractions from their celebrity platforms. No one in this clip is entirely wrong, because life is complex and not just the lives of the rich who may subscribe to an entirely different moral compass than the rest of us because of boredom and entitlement. But watching it did make me wince. Its clear that the two senior actors have made peace with something that is almost universally painful, often irreparably so. But when they insisted that Kapoor will understand in time, it was hopefully not because they think that she should accept the same lot. The original thesis itself is strange, because whether infidelity within a relationship is physical or emotional is less relevant than the impact, and that impact is extremely subjective. Even from one relationship to another, the same person may have varied reactions to similar conduct, depending on other factors within their romantic equations and their own personal state of being. In the kerfuffle over the Two Much clip, emotional infidelity isnt being discussed as much as physical infidelity is being condemned. Physical infidelity is more overt, but emotional infidelity is more insidious, and nebulous in definition. Micro-cheating is one modern term that is used to pinpoint some behaviours that could fall within the latter category, such as refusing to define the relationship to others or secretly following social media accounts with pornographic content. It also expands to cultivating flirtatious but platonic entanglements with others, holding a torch for an ex or falling in love outside the relationship, even if physical non-monogamy is a consented part of the configuration. Emotional infidelity encompasses a vast range of actions and choices, whereas physical infidelity is more clear-cut (and then again, someone may react differently to a kiss than to sex, while for others they all amount to the same scale of breach). Where Kajol and Khanna went awry was in their insistence that the unwavering Kapoor just didnt know better yet, essentially pitting their admittedly longer levels of experience against hers. But the subjectivity of all infidelity means that all their opinions are equally correct, in their own lives. No one is wiser, or more of a martyr, or cooler because of what they will forgive, tolerate or draw the line at when it comes to infidelity. The hope is only that, in every instance, the betrayed one finds a way to stay true to themselves.