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DES ALLEMANDS, LAHolding hands and giggling as they talked the part-time fast food worker through their sandwich order, singer-songwriter Lana Del Rey and swamp tour boat captain Jeremy Dufrene reportedly celebrated their wedding anniversary Saturday at a gas station Subway restaurant. Lana swooned after [Dufrene] told her she could get any size sandwich she wanted; [] The post Lana Del Rey, Husband Celebrate Anniversary At Gas Station Subway appeared first on The Onion .

NEW YORKStressing that the sports existing suite of advanced metrics was no longer sufficient to satisfy their hunger for increasingly granular data, baseball analysts from across the country called Wednesday for the creation of a new statistic called B.L.E.P.H.We dont care what it measures or how its calculatedwe just need something called B.L.E.P.H., and we [] The post Baseball Analysts Call For New StatCalled B.L.E.P.H. appeared first on The Onion .

SACRAMENTO, CASaying the newly instituted changes better reflected the realities of modern driving, officials at the California Department of Motor Vehicles announced Friday that they had added a highway chase to the states standard road test. Test-takers will be expected to safely merge onto the highway and then successfully weave their getaway vehicle through traffic [] The post California DMV Adds Highway Chase To Road Test appeared first on The Onion .

The post Shy, Bookish Umpire Actually Really Beautiful When He Takes Mask Off appeared first on The Onion .

From breakout stars to aging veterans, these are the players most likely to define the 2026 NFL season. Aidan Hutchinson, Lions defensive end: After signing a four-year extension worth $180 million last season, Hutchinson should finally be able to afford enough eye black for both sides of his face. A.J. Brown, Patriots wide receiver: Brown [] The post 10 Players To Watch This NFL Season appeared first on The Onion .

Despite a slew of setbacks, Paramount cleared the last major hurdle in its proposed acquisition of Warner Bros. when it reached an agreement to resolve an antitrust lawsuit brought forth by a dozen states. The Onion breaks down the key facts and figures behind the historic deal to create a media behemoth. 3 Antitrust laws [] The post The ParamountWarner Bros. Merger By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion .

The post Last Peach Of Summer Quietly Molds Over On Counter appeared first on The Onion .

LONDONIn a damning memoir filled with explosive claims about her brutal treatment by the House of Windsor, Diana, the former Princess of Wales, has at long last given the public a firsthand account of her disturbing experiences living with the British royal family. So many unfounded rumors have been circulating about me and my relationship [] The post Princess Diana Releases Bombshell Memoir appeared first on The Onion .

LOS ANGELESSounding a loud buzzer to signal that the pop stars were now permitted to leave the dance studio, Hybe x Geffen record executives were seen Thursday releasing Katseye for their daily half hour of yard time. We make sure our global girl group members get a solid 30 minutes of outdoor recreation for every [] The post Record Executives Release Katseye For Daily Half Hour Of Yard Time appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONReflecting on the past fling and remarking how time had flown by, local golden retriever Daisy told reporters Thursday that she could not believe the guy she hooked up with 10 years ago was now the head of the FBI. I remember seeing him on TV and thinking, No, that cant be Kash, but sure [] The post Dog Cant Believe Guy She Hooked Up With 10 Years Ago Now Head Of FBI appeared first on The Onion .